Thursday, May 21, 2009

My precious baby boy

I love love love being a Mom I believe God planned it to happen this way. He made me wait to find the perfect mate and waited until we spent the right amount of time together and he allowed us to conceive on our first IVF. Prior to this no matter how ready I thought I was, I wasn't. Landon is 3 weeks already and is patiently laying in the crook of my arms as I type this. He is studying every cm of my face and letting out smiles as we make eye contact. I feel so blessed and lucky to be his Mom.

I mean seriously he is the best baby. He does have his fussy moments but for the most part he is an angel. He trusts me so much to know I will provide for him and he is like a clock and knows just when its time to eat.

On Wednesday we did take Landon to the Doctor to get snipped. My husband and my mom really wanted him to have it done. My mom for medical reasons in which I argued there are none but shes a nurse and yes she has seen infections, and scar tissue from the infections. My husband because he didn't want him teased and because he is. I explained there are lots of things he will still be teased for. I told them both I will allow it but I don't agree with it. The only bonus to having it done is a maintenance free penis but the benefits don't outweigh the pain in my opinion. I would only allow it to be done if he had the lydocaine and the sugar water and both my mom and husband remained with him while it was done and that I could nurse him the second it was over.

I waited in the waiting room and knew it only took 10 minutes of so for the procedure. As soon as I got out there I prayed for the doctor to not make any mistakes and for Landon to have strength. Then I changed my mind I wanted to go in and stop the procedure I went to open the waiting room door to go back to the room and its one of those doors that you have to slide a card through. I waited for someone to exit the door so I could sneak back in and after ten minutes somebody came. I knew it was to late so I waited outside. I could hear my baby crying and soon they opened the door so I could nurse him.

I picked him up off the table and he was red and super sweaty. He wasn't crying after his legs were unstrapped. I immediately nursed him and I looked at my mom and husband and told them it was horrible huh? They both had tears in their eyes and looked pale. I said you wouldn't do it again if you had to do it allover huh? They both didn't answer me. I told them I was mad at myself for not making the right choice and I tried to come in and stop it but couldn't get back here. My husband was completely changed he said it was very traumatic. I told them if we ever have another son IT wont be done, he agreed. I sent my mom out to get Tylenol for him. I have done nothing but hold him and love him for the past two days.

I am writing about it because most people don't believe it hurts, or don't witness it. I'm no better because I allowed it to happen to him but I wanted somebody to hear who still wasn't convinced. The information is out there about why not to do it. People just do it because thats all they know or they think its routine. Theres no reason to do it. My son is ok now but he 100% was in pain and in pain afterwards and slept alot. Diaper changes are not fun I don't like looking at him swollen. I'm not writing this for all the non circ people that have recently started reading my blog to hate me or think bad of my family. I just wanted to tell my story. I still don't agree with it but I chose to do it because I didn't want my family talking about my sons part and talking bad about our family. I wont be doing it again though on future children. Its unnecessary. I would appreciate if I didnt hear anyone saying anything negative about it as I am already beating myself up over it.

How about some happy pictures??
This blanket was made for Landon from his Uncle Jaosns girlfriends daughter. She is in high school and made this blanket and sent it to him all the way from Alaska. Very Sweet !

It's getting close to nap time, Someone is getting very tired!

Yep I knew it, so so sleepy!

I love pictures of baby bits. I am planning on taking some pictures of his hands, feet, ears, lips and printing them in black and white and then putting them together in a collage.

Here is the hat that Holly made him its very funky and it barely fits him but I had to get a picture in it before he outgrew it. It is so cute! Reminds me of Raggedy Andy with the funky red hair sticking out.
Apparently those that have seen pictures of my son and then seen him in person say he looks huge in his pictures but tiny in person. Here is a pic I found to show how small he is. He is so precious and beautiful I love him in every way. I hope that I raise him right and he turns out to be a admirable man some day and makes me proud.

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  1. he is adorable first of all:) sorry you guys had to go through that. we made that choice as well, finally giving into others..and low and behold they messed him up, leaving to much skin on one side. Doctor said we could have it re-done when is older,I don't think so,I am not putting him through that again. If they make fun of him, I will beat whoever it is(ha/ha).I am they one who did this to him:( The doctor said it will not look as bad as i am thinking when he is older, but we shall see. We agree with you if we have more they WILL NOT get it done. We will not give in next time. Thinking about you guys, hope all is well..Love reading your blog..

  2. He does look really big in his pics except for that last one he is soooo tiny!! He also has the cutest clothes!! :-0 Please dont beat yourself up over it. It is not something that he will remember!! Its a very hard decision to make because of the pressure. I only encourge you to decide at birth because when they have it done later on they do gets scars and they remember is very painful when they are 3 years like my sweety...he is almost 18 now and still remembers...keep the pics coming I LOVE them!! and I LOVE reading your blog!!

  3. The scars and infections your mom sees are because moms are retracting for cleaning, my son is intact, the men of my family, sons and grandsons are intact no problems no scarring...

    OMG your post really makes me cry, I tried to talk to you out of if and for some reason I thought you were not going to do it. Even if they won't remember it their brain will never forget it. Please PLEASE protect your future sons.......!!!!

    You have no idea how this post have made me feel :(

    Please could you write your story to this people??? and healing for your son...

  4. omg I am so sorry, I can't stop crying. I really can't!!! :( why do I have to care? why do I have to make this so personal???? I always tell the moms, please trust your instincts, and heck with everybody else. I am writing this because I do care and want to let everybody know that I do this because I want no baby to suffer, I really DO care.


  5. When we know better, we do better. Everyone makes mistakes. While I feel for your son and grieve for his pain as you are, I also feel that you are a strong mother, so strong that you can even admit a mistake as did your husband. That takes a lot of guts. And it sounds and looks like your little guy is doing well and is well loved. Many hugs to you all!

  6. I'm so sorry for your hurt and upset feelings, and for your babhy's suffering. It feels so wrong when other people pressure us into something we don't want done. I'm very sad.

  7. Thanks for telling your story about the bad experience your baby and your family had with infant circumcision. I am glad at least your mother and dh saw what happened. Doctors and nurses will sometimes lie and say "Oh it doesn't hurt" "They don't remember it" (even if they don't consciously remember it, their brain wirings in how they respond to pain do remember) etc. Unfortunately you were right they were wrong, but everyone, especially your son, had to find out the hard way. Be sure and keep telling your story so maybe another baby will be spared thanks to your story. Big hugs to you and your son. It take a very brave mother such as yourself to tell your story.

  8. I'm so sorry this happened to your baby boy. :_( This is why I do what I do, I help parents get educated about circ. Your son's painful experience does not have to be in vain. I know that you want more than anything to take it back but now all you can do is try to protect future sons and other baby boys from this barbarity. Please check out some of the links I will post below to learn the truth about circ.

    As for what others have said about having it done later in life. The ONLY medical reason for a circumcision is frostbite, malignancy, serious trauma, or gangrene. As you can imagine these are all very rare! Infections only occur after improper care. A foreskin is fused to the head of the penis in infancy and childhood. This protects the head of the penis from any feces, urine or pathogens. If you try to retract a boy's foreskin you will tear it and introduce infection. In America most people do not understand that the proper care of an intact boy is to LEAVE IT ALONE. You only rinse the exterior in the bath and wipe like a finger it it gets poopy. Caring for an intact boy is easier b/c you don't have to do anything. The opening is very narrow sphincter and only opens to allow urine to pass. Your mom is not alone in her ignorance of proper foreskin care. This is an epidemic in the US where so many foreskins are cut of that people don't understand the normal development and care of the intact boy.

    Again, I am so very sorry for you and for you precious baby boy. I hope you will take your wisdom and use it to help save other baby boys. Currently the circ rate in the US is 57% and falling. With your help we can someday protect all non-consenting minors from this non-therapeutic, harmful surgery.

  9. Thank you for sharing your story. It is profound! Perhaps now you can help to empower other mothers who instinctively know better but don't know how to stand up to protect their sons. That will give your experience and the trauma you and your son experienced meaning. Please help.

    I ask because I understand. I have three circumcised sons but, after witnessing a circumcision, I realized what my precious babies had suffered because I didn't know enough to protect them. I trusted a doctor who lied to me! Once I realized the truth about genital cutting,
    I dedicated my life to bringing an end to the atrocity.

    I hope you will lend your voice to the movement. It will give you the outlet you need to cope with the pain and to empower yourself to bring about change. Certainly, we don't want other mothers to feel like we do...and whatever we can do to prevent that will help us heal, too.

  10. I'm sorry momma that you went against your instincts to leave your son alone and not have uneccesary surgery done on him. I hope you will share your story with people who don't realize what is actually done, that it really does hurt the baby, and that it is not necessary at all.
    "When we know better, we do better" I think is a great philosophy to have, and I'm so glad to hear you won't have it done to any more kids you may have :)

  11. I'm so sorry that you and your son went through this. :( Like another poster said, "when you know better, you do better." You can be a voice to other mothers and help them listen to their instincts to protect their babies and you can refuse circumcision for any more sons that you may have.


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