Saturday, July 4, 2009

Fantastic 3rd & 4th of July

My poor precious baby has a mild cold. I knew it would happen being around kids and having so many visitors. I just thought it wouldn't be until winter since he strictly breastfed. I thought he would be able to fight anything off. He is a trooper he a dry cough that sounds like he is laughing and sticky boogies. Despite all of that he is smiling and laughing. A part of me also wonders having all of the chemicals from shots if his immune system wasn't tampered with. Last Monday he went in for his first shots and I only allowed them to give him two shots, DTap and HIB. I was only planning on allowing him to have the DTap and the Rotovirus so he would have one shot containing aluminum and one "live virus" but do to going on a plane next week he thought it would be best to do the DTap and the HIB (Influenza) and we could just illuminate the Rotovirus all together. Since he did have two shots both containing alluminum my mom is going to get me drops that clear out toxins in his system from her health food lady.

Grandma and Grandpa stopped by to see the baby. I always love watching them with him. They care so much about him. Everytime I email photos to her she prints them on paper and frames them. SO cute!
Last night hubby and I had the pleasure of having a baby free night. My mom and Dad came to my house and watched Landon for the night.Even Murphey the obnoxious labrador came to see Landon and give him sloppy kisses. Hubby and I were beside ourselves what were we to do. I suggested a shower and a uninterrupted nap. He didn't fall for this so well. So we went out to Chevy's for Mexican food. With no baby around giant sign on the table for Fresh Fruit Watermelon margaritas I had one. Not the large size just a regular one and had quite a buzz from it. I had my mom feed him with some frozen milk I had saved but what is the correct thing to do ladies? I had the margarita at 8pm and didn't pump till midnight. Am I supposed to dump that milk or had it been long enough? I fed at the breast at 4am and figured that was fine plus I had pumped everything out. I'm not an expert just trying to do whats best so pipe in if you have any info on that.

I have not left him before and I wasn't reallyanxious or nervous about it like I thought I would be. When I was pregnant I said I would never leave him and everyone could babysit him after he learned to walk. I think at this 9 week old age Im not nervous about it because he is so easy. Feed him, change him, cuddle him and he is a happy kid. When he is older he will be into a lot more adventourous behaviour, thats when I will have to be nervous.

My mom changed him and put him in his jammies and then took him for a walk before bedtime. He loved it. Maybe Ryan and I should do that. Heres my sweet baby giving me the guilt trip for leaving. He also looks content though. He loves all people at this stage so I think he enjoyed it also.
Today we are having family and friends over for a BBQ, going to a fireworks show and then back to the house for our own fireworks. I am overwhelmed by sense of family today and the love I have for them. I love my son with all my heart and don't like to be away from him but I have been struggling to find myself absorbed with the fact he is in my son. Is it the fact that I struggled to get pregnant for years and went through failed attempt prior to IVF. Every single action of our pregnancy was carefully prepared for. I was physically and mentally ready for this baby. I thought I would experience a instand bond with this child. I feel close and enjoy breastfeeding and make sure every decision is in his best interest but feel I am lacking that motherly bond I see so many others have. I think not having actual labor took some of this away for me. I also think I have not spent time praying over my child with God. I feel this empty spot in my life where God is void. Since loosing my home church I have not found another church. I havent put forth the effort and that is my fault. I want Landon to grow up a man of faith.

We went to a large show at the Sunrise Mall. Then back to the house for some smaller fireworks just dady and mommy, Bella and sleeping Landon. Seeee!

Earlier in the day we had a small party for daycare kiddos and lit off some foreworks during the day and swam. He wasnt phased by the loud noises or pops.

The next morning both boys didnt want to get out of bed.

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