Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Surgery Day

Its 4am right now. I know I'm crazy right now, I should be sleeping. Ryan and I climbed into bed last night at 12:30am and I woke up at 3:30am and tossed and turned so I decided to get up. Ackkkk I am going to be so tired by this afternoon. I have butterflies in my heart and a little bit of heartburn as well. Of course since I am not allowed to have anything to eat or drink after midnight that would mean a Tums and a glass of water as well. Darn't, because I am not allowed to have it , I want it!

While I was sleeping I mean napping I had some funny dreams. My Ob Dr Cueto is a funny/jokester kinda guy (thats why I picked him) when he performs my C-Section this morning, I dreamt I played a little joke on him. When he pulls Landon out I want to say. Is she beautiful, hows my daughter? Just to mess with him. Hey! I am awake now and I still want to play that joke on him.

Seriously I wonder if I am allowed a Tums?? The acid because of my nerves is making me gag. I bet myself ten bucks I puke outside or inside the hospital before the procedure, just due to my nerves.

I had to repack Landon's Petunia Pickle Bottom Diaper bag last night because previously I had only packed a T-shirt and his coming home outfit but now that we will be there for almost four days the kid needed some more outfits. Ha!! I am probably the only mom to stuff like ten outfits, 4 socks, 2 receiving blankets, a burp cloth, 2 bibs and 2 bigger blankets in her bag. Then I packed some cloth diapers just in case I wanted to start it there vs coming home. Depends on how sore I am and how bad his first meconium diaper is. Good Grief maybe I will pretend I to sick to change that diaper and make Ryan do it and videotape that. Daddy will take a crash course fast.

Don't get me wrong I am so excited about having a baby of my own BUT my nerves are so messed up right now thinking about the procedure that I am about two seconds from finding the closest wastebasket to show you what I had for dinner last night. I'm panicked I did this before the egg retrieval, and having my wisdom teeth out too. The only difference is this is even more major surgery and I got to be put under completely for those surgeries and I also got to finish with a nap the entire rest of the day.

I keep thinking will I be a bad mom if they pull the baby out and hand him to me and I ask is this ours? He doesn't look anything like I expected. Pull the blanket off I want to see his winkee, I mean toes. Then what will they think when I say Ok I'm done with him, my husband can hold him the rest of the day I'm feeling quite sore and I need a nap. Hey what kind of things can I eat right now? Do I get a menu?

You don't think they will think any less of me if I say whats really on my mind? No thats not how I'm going to act. A real mom would never think/act like that.

Ha maybe those hormones will have me balling out of control instead and I turn into a shark and try to bite the hand off of anyone who attempts to try to touch my son. Only God knows how I will behave today. Anything less then this I will blame it on the lack of sleep.

Shoot its only 4:30am I thought getting on here would blow through the time and next thing I would here from my husband yelling at me its time to go am I getting dressed or is that what I'm wearing to the hospital. What about all the countless other times I have jumped on the Internet and spent 4 hours on here only to be running behind because it felt like only twenty minutes.

Ok maybe I'll go brush my teeth I mean suck the water out of the toothbrush to kill another half hour till hubby gets up. I betcha he gets a coffee right in front of me because he is going to be tired as hell and I'm running on pure adrenaline. Wish me luck thatI don't puke. (Well at least on anyone)

Love the totally sleep deprived, obnoxious woman who is grasping onto her last few hours being just selfish Mariah with no responsibilities. I think I am about to learn a few lessons when I meet a little man that is less then two feet tall this morning.

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Tuesday, April 28, 2009

40 Week Belly Bump

Wow I get my body back finally well not my original body but once I recover I get to bend at the waist and sleep on my tummy. WOhoooooooo so looking forward to it. Check out my itty bitty stretch marks oh well now I get a pretty scar to match. Im completely ok with it Ill be a mom not a super model. Hopefully we can update tomorrow (Wednesday) with some pictures.

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Monday, April 27, 2009

It all said and done...........

Alright here we go. I had my ob appt yesterday and was so excited about it because I am now 40 weeks. Since I have been banished to laying only on my side to control my blood pressure my mom came down to my house since hubby had to go to work for the rest of the day. She showed up and brought me delicious fresh fruit and dip. Yummm! I got up and took a shower and noticed I had leg cramps in my lower legs. She told me laying in bed can actually harm me so she asked if I wanted to grab a bite to eat before my appointment. We went to Islands restaurant and then my appointment.

Dr listened to babies heart rate which sounded wonderful. Then he checked my cervix still no changes, not softened, not dilated and baby still has not even began to descend down. He told me that he could induce me but here's why he thinks we should and just proceed with the C-Section.

If we waited it out longer he doesn't think I would dilate then he would start pitocin and rupture my membranes. He says it would probably take me 3 days of labor to even reach a 5 and it would be long and painful and more then likely will raise my BP and stress the baby which would end in a C-Section anyways. He says we have a large baby and I have small hips which would make me need a C-Section. With the early toxemia it would be best to get him out of there and me recovering so its all said and done. So tomorrow is the Day.

Landon will arrive shortly after 7:30am. Ackkkkkkkkkkkkkk I am so nervous, but excited at the same time. I don't think I will even be able to sleep tonight. I have to repack my hospital bag since I was only planning on staying 24 hrs and had all my natural labor goodies in there and wont need them. I need to go get some nighties instead of pajama pants since I wont want anything pressing on my stomach. Geez as I am typing this I have goosbumps up and down my arms and butterflies in my stomach. I am so nervous I tell ya. I wont be home till Saturday so I plan on hooking my cell phone up to my blog so I can send updates.

Check back later today. I will post my final pictures of my overgrown belly bump for the last time. I keep saying everything I do this will be the last time doing this still pregnant. I am already mourning my bump loss and I haven't even lost it yet. I will miss being pregnant and don't ever know if it will happen again for us so I cherish these last hours carrying Landon around all safe and sound. After today I will be responsible for a newborn. Eek I know I can do it but this is major surgery. Ouch! I also don't like to hold teeny tiny babies, the youngest kid in my childcare has been 8 weeks old so this will be a new experience for me and my husband. Wowzerz wish us luck. I will see if my friend Traci can add a picture of Luck Landon after he arrives for me.

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Why dont they induce?

Ok the question on everyones mind. I get asked this daily and I even ask at every appointment and so forth. Why don't you just induce me??????? At every appointment and Hospital visit they check my cervix and its always the same 0, nada, nothing, zilch I have not dilated whatsoever. In fact the kid has not even lowered into my pelvis. Hes warm and comfortable remaining up in the womb. Without a little decent from his head I feel I will never dilate. No dilation means I can't be induced.

I know many people will say I have been induced and wasn't dilated or a friend was induced and she wasn't. Well thats true they were and they had to use cervix softeners like cervadil or something to that nature. Cervadil other softeners are controversial. They have been on and off the FDA's approved list as safe or unsafe. My doctor of course does not believe in them, like them or use them.

In order for me to be induced I need to be dilated to a 1-2 in order to rupture membranes (bag of waters) and start pitocin. Dr has also warned me since Landon is not showing signs of being ready to come out that it will be long, painful process. (Isn' that labor? He means more intense, I think) This is not one of my top ways I would have chosen to have my son born but I am willing to take pitocin if it means getting him out. I am also not sure about the natural pain free birth if we have to go this route. I have said since the day I started being interested in a unmedicated birth that I would not take pitocin or drugs during labor that I would let nature take its course. I'm not so sure about this if I I will be in pain for days at a time with Landon taking his sweet time. I do have a plan though. I will take some meds (narcotics) to ease pain and allow me to sleep over taking the epidural. If we go into unbearable long term pain then I am not apposed to taking the epidural I just don't want to be stuck in bed laboring on my back. I want the option to use my birth ball, walkaround, take a shower, use the restroom, tell them when I need to push and use whatever position is comfortable at the time such as squatting. If I take the epi then I can't do any of that and I like to feel in control of a situation I sorta have no control over. My last option would be to take the epidural because I'm crazy and can't handle it (Due to I have never even had a period cramp, nice huh?)

All of that is nice to talk about but unless I miraculously dilate in the next 24-48 hours then were just talking C-section. I have not planned on a C-Section and will quickly come up with my birth plan today for this. I need to talk to my doctor about this choice today as I still want my son laid on my chest immediately afterwards and would like the option of my uterus to begin contracting before he is pulled out all the way. This helps to squish out the fluid in his chest just like a vaginal birth. I would like to have a nurse help me breastfeed while laying on the table and if the baby has to be checked over or taken to the nursery I want my husband to go with the baby at all times. Knowing that skin-to-skin contact is best and if for some reason I cant do that that my husband can do kangaroo care until I can sit up and stop shaking.

Ok totally off subject but my husband is running the childcare downstairs as I type this. He has two infants and three make that four preschoolers. The first kids arrived at 6:45am and my employees arrive at 8:00am to take over. I appreciate him so much for all he does for me. He has catered to me all weekend making me food, doing the daycare grocery shopping, finished all of our laundry, even decided on his own to wash the bedsheets and linen on our bed and even trimmed the trees in the backyard. He doesn't read the blog but I truly respect him and how hard he works for this family. I can't wait to see him be a Dad and care so much for his boy.

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Sunday, April 26, 2009

As much as I hate going in for nothing...

I'm headed to the hospital just to make sure Landon is alright. I don't normally lay in bed all day but I haven't felt Landon move even once today. I have told my husband of this all day but we didn't want to go in for nothing, especially when we just got checked yesterday and and I am getting checked tomorrow. I don't think I could sleep tonight knowing something may/possibly be wrong and I didn't do something. I know everything is just fine so I will update when I get back home in an hour or two.

I just got done visiting Kayleighs blog you can click the link on the right sidebar if you want to go over to her blog. I can't stand it for a minute that she won't wake up. She has the bravest parents in the world. Im shocked and just have no words at the moment. I sometimes don't understand how God works or why things happen but I will never forget Kayleighs purpose.

Landon is just fine. We were there for a short two hour monitoring. Blood pressure is crazy 160/100. They paged the Dr he said he would see me tomorrow. Landon heart beat seemed fast to me tonight but they said it was fine so I believe them. Oh the nurse checked me which I have only been checked by my Dr. before and she said I may be dilated a fingertip but it was hard to tell. She said not enough to break my water though. Contractions are still 15 minutes apart and pain free cant even feel them.

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Saturday, April 25, 2009

Oh, So he is already in charge?

Went in to Labor and Delivery for NST, urine test and bloodwork Saturday morning. Hooked all the belly monitoring up and my blood pressure cuff and my first BP had a high diastolic reading (134/94). The nurse asked me to lay down on my left side, the reading changed (116/71) AMAZINGLY beautiful number. We monitor blood pressure reading every 5 minutes for the hour. The nurse comes back in and asks me about bladder infections. I tell her I get them very, very often but not since being pregnant. She asked because she said that my sample was negative on protein but had a huge amount of bacteria in it. Hmmmm. Dr Cueto arrives says lets not worry about that right now we will retest on Monday. He checks for dilation which took alot longer and was twice as uncomfortable as any other check had been. As he keeps poking around he says I don't think hes head down anymore? WHAT!! He places one hand on my belly and says oh theres his head. He just moved higher up that I couldn't feel his head. Still no dilation and your closed up tight. Seriously does Landon not know its time to come out. He then tells me we may need to do a C-Section soon. After awhile I sit up to eat some fruit hubby got from the cafeteria. Th bp reading goes sky high. I lay back down and it goes normal. Figures!! I'm starting to realize that I need to lay down. I get discharge instructions that I am to lay down my side only until Mondays appointment. Oh really??? This is going to be fun since I get antsy sitting still.

I have spent all of Saturday laying bed. Fabulous. I'm bored but haven't gone crazy yet. I sit up to eat dinner and Ryan takes my BP 160/100 Holy Frojitos!!!! I lay down and we take it 5 minutes later and it returns to normal. I can't believe it Landon is controlling me. Not only do I have to stay in bed but I have to stay on my side. I have no clue how women who are put on bed rest for weeks and weeks make it. I want to sit up.

Currently the plan is to check me Monday at 2:15 and then schedule the C-Section. Barf, I can't believe I'm going to have a C-Section better call the doula and let her know. Guess we wont be going to our last Bradley Birthing class, or needing the birthing ball, rice bags or other birthing pain distractions. Seriously child I have not felt one Braxton Hicks or real contraction. I am still having contractions but they didn't tell me if they were still 15 minutes apart. I can't feel anything.

For the most part of today I have been panicked now I just want my baby out safe on this side of my body. I'm worried something is going to happen to him if I push for waiting it out.

The plan before would be that we would induce on due date (April27th) by rupturing membranes and start pitocin. Being induced is no longer an option as I would need to be at least 1cm dilated.I have done everything to possibly induce. Evening Primrose oil, sex, spicy food, pumping my breasts. Nothing has worked. Baby has been head down for two months but has not engaged at all. I really want to wait it out and go overdue but am nervous that it compromise the health of the baby and I'm being selfish. A C-Section was not in my plan and am nervous I wont be able to solely breastfeed if I have to have one.Praying baby makes changes in the next 48-72 hours so I can be induced instead. So Landon your already in charge and the worldwaits on you.

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Friday, April 24, 2009

Baby Weight

I totally forgot to mention about my last ultrasound. The results were not back to the doctor at my last appointment, but I did ask lots of questions at the ultrasound. So here's what the tech told me.

She measured babies stomach, head circumference, and femur bone and said he was measuring 5 days behind and as of April 17th, baby weighs 7 pounds, 10 ounces +/- 1 pound, 2 ounces.

We watched as he practiced breathing, moving his diaphragm up and down. It was very hard to see things as the fluid isn't so thick around the baby anymore. We tried for some 3D but they weren't as good as the ones we took took back in February.

So for the baby measuring almost a week behind and not having excessive fluid. I'm clueless on why my belly is so huge. Just hope it shrinks into place at least by a few months after Landon is here. Breastfeeding will help some but i cant wait to start training for triathlons again. I'm very nervous about how I am going to be able to train with having a baby. Obviously I can train on a bike and use a bike trailer, running I can use a jogging stroller but swimming hmmm I'll have to think how I will be able to squeeze that in twice a week. I wonder if I will even feel like getting back out there again due to pure exhaustion. Right now I cant even imagine having Landon here I'm purely running on E. I wake up work for two hours then I nap, go downstairs to eat, come back up and nap, then work for an hour, eat dinner, take another nap , watch TV with hubby then to bed for the night. I sleep through the night besides my twice a night trip to empty the bladder.

I'm back and forth on having him come out now. I'm so impatient this last week. Normally I say I just want him to stay inside I'm fine with it but I admit my body is ache, it hurts to sit because my belly is right on my lap making me forced to sit with my legs in a V (yet he still hasn't dropped) and I'm beginning to be uncomfortable of being out of breath. i have also become panicked that something will happen to him in utero and I will lose him. I find it weird that I still cannot imagine myself with a bay or Ryan and I strapping him into the car seat to bring home. Why? Why can't I imagine something so grand?

Anyways I am to go in Saturday morning to be checked for dilation, a NST and some other tests. I will discuss with Dr Cueto exactly what to do. Are we waiting till he comes naturally or we going to rupture my membranes and start pitocin which I have said I will not take. Everyone is right that you get desperate at the end and pitocin is sounding great =/. I worry also since I read about high blood pressure can cause stillborn. I know I know I am already being this crazy overprotective nervous mother which is so not me. I make good choices and protect my little daycare kids but I most certainly am not overbearing. What to do? what to do? Will update tomorrow after I talk with the Dr.


It's just past midnight. Why lie I'm totally freaking uncomfortable that I am whining right now. This room feels like its 105 degrees despite the two fans blowing on me. Landon has the hiccups which I normally find cute but I am very agitated. Please dialate soon I'm begging.

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Thursday, April 23, 2009

Over the River and ....

to the woods I mean Hospital. Headed there now. I have been exhausted and nausea since last Friday. When I woke this morning I was ache, back ache, and just felt like I was ran over by a bus. I went back to bed at around 9:30am and woke up at 11:00am and went downstairs to get something to eat. My employees noticed my legs were very swollen and bright red and purple. I couldn't see it for myself they looked normal to me. I went upstairs and took my blood pressure. It was 156/88. I called my Dr's office and told them how I felt they left a message and said they would call me back and 2.5 hrs later they called me and told me to go to Labor and delivery for monitoring. I really hope they just tell me I am starting labor. I hate sitting in there being monitored and telling me your just pregnant, go home and rest. I have 4 days left till my due date. I'm ready now Landon. I can give you a map if you need directions on how to get out. Daddy is ready to meet you, grandmas are anxious to hold you and mommy really is excited about breastfeeding so you now have my permission to come out and meet us. I promise you'll love us.

Home from the hospital now. I had hope for a minute that I wasn't going to be sent home so fast. I was always told if my BP was consistently higher then 150Systolic or ever above 90 Diastolic that I was to come straight to labor and delivery. When I got there they hooked up the monitors to my my big belly and the blood pressure cuff to my arm. I kept getting readings over 90 diastolic and about 140 up to 156 systolic. I even had 4 contractions while I was there, one every 15 minutes. Never even felt anything. The nurse never even checked to see if my legs were purple or swollen. They monitored me for an hour said yes my BP is high and then brought in discharge papers. My regular OB is not working and a different Dr was on call. I plan to talk to my regular Dr tomorrow when he is back on and found out he is on call all weekend. (Sounds like a good weekend to have a baby.)

In the meantime I am on bed rest and to come back if i worsen. I am exhausted and have a headache off and on. I really really want to go into labor naturally but if my bp continues to be high then I am ready for Mr. to make his debut.

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Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Ladies and Gentleman.......

I have the greatest news. Monday night I was home alone, hubby was at his soccer game. I was about to hop into the shower when I looked down and noticed the greatest thing ever (NO, the baby hasn't dropped, that would be great too) but anyways coming from my left boob was the best thing ever ... Colostrum. I started screaming joys of happiness. I really have had this idea that my body has no idea that I am even pregnant and my boobs don't know what to do. I felt since I had to trick my body into getting pregnant with fertility drugs, that it just doesn't know what to do. Everyone who has been pregnant before that I asked said there boobs were sore, leaking or there nipples were super sensitive. I have none of those things, so naturally I was worried my milk would never come in and I would deprive my child of this. I want to breastfeed my babe so bad. With the decade of children I have watched and cared for, breastfeeding is something I of course have never done and will be so unique and special to share with my child.

We were busy last week and forgot to take our 38 week belly photos. I made sure not to forget this week as we are getting so close and I want to remember the last few days before his arrival.

After downloading these pictures onto my computer I noticed some stretchmarks on the lower part of my belly where I am not able to see myself. I'm not upset by them but I am kinda stunned that I did not get any stretch marks until my 39th weeks. Seriously Landon you can come out now before I get some more this week or next.
Speaking of coming out. I am completely ready for this, that I am just bored not working, nothing to clean and nothing to do. I am getting really antsy. I think the most part is I am negative on protein now and my blood pressure is under control as long as I am not working. I am still 50% effaced and no dilation. Landon has not engaged whatsoever and we are approaching due date in 4 days. The original plan was induction on my due date due to the high blood pressure but now that I am just borderline under it Dr has agreed to let me go up to a week over due. Which would put me up to May 4th. I then asked whats the plan? He plans on rupturing my membranes and then start a pitocin drip. Ughhhhh two problems with that, first you have to be at least dilated to one so he can get in and rupture the membranes, and second I really really do not want pitocin. I feel i can handle natural childbirth but with pitocin I'm not sure how strong I will be. If its to unbearable I will take a narcotic to take the edge off but don't want the epidural so I can walk the hallways, change birthing positions, use the shower to relieve pain and most importantly know when I need to push.

So Landon if you could just come out in the next few days and kick start this naturally I will be very happy.

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Please Plese Pray!

Omg I cannot believe it. I have been following a very spacial blog since December. Almost 10 months ago a precious angel and I mean angel was born weighing 1 pound 1 ounce. She has been in the hospital for the past 10 months fighting. She has had several procedures and surgeries to prepare her to come home from the Hospital. Just yesterday Kayleigh had surgery and they have taken her off the pain meds so she can wake up. I am completely shocked to have just read that she is not waking up and they tested her brain activity and there is a huge spot of no brain activity. In other words Brain dead. Please Please as you read this, immediately say a prayer for this special little girl she has been such a fighter and has beaten so many odds. Kayleigh has been doing so good and smiling and playing with her parents the last few weeks. How could this happen. I sincerely hope I wake up tomorrow and Kayleigh has woken up to and is smiling. If you would just help by saying a prayer, or blogging to get the word out. The power of prayer is strong. Her blog is on my right side panel if you want to go read about her story.

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Sunday, April 19, 2009

Relax its Easter

Final countdown for Landon's arrival has began. Only 8 more days WOW. Were so close to bringing our baby home. Its crazy. The house is is getting organized, swept, cleaned, sanitized. The laundry has been put away, floors scrubbed, and carpets cleaned. My mother, father, husband and I did all the cleaning. My mother-in-law made delicious soup and some other things for us to enjoy this week. My friend Traci stopped by to show me how to use my breastpump, which is a whole other topic. I think everything has been checked off the to-do list.

I still need to have an electrician out to the house to fix the upstairs bathroom. The lights do not work but the outlets do. Then in Landon's room the lights work but not the outlets. Strange but I would just feel better to have it taken care of before baby arrives home. My only problem is the word electrician scares the crap out of me because I just see $$$. I also know that its not safe and could start a fire if the electrical is hot. Why does a new house house have problems? I guess its all just part of owning a home and it could be far worse.

I feel so special to have so many caring people care about our son. Even though he has completely everything he possibly could need people still insist on buying him things. These are the things Lucky Landon received this week. I like that name I wonder if I will call him that.

One of my daycare boys who I am really close with insists on buying or giving Landon all kinds of things. He is just the sweetest little guy. He gave Landon one of his books because he doesn't need it anymore. How sweet and thoughtful of a 4 yr old. He also brought him a Easter chicken that plays the chicken dance song and waddles. I'm sure Landon will love this next year as he toddles around trying to catch it. Thank you Josheeeee!

This came in the mail this week completely surprising both Ryan and I. We needed a bouncer, especially one that vibrated so we will be able to calm Landon down when he gets fussy. Ryan's Uncle Joe and Aunt Pam sent this from Minnesota as well as 4 adorable receiving blankets. We had no clue and had no expectations and are extremely appreciative of these gifts. We are dying to bring Landon out to Minnesota this summer and show all of the family at the Lake. Were still debating of if it will be safe to bring Landon on an airplane at 8 weeks old with no shots. I plan to get his first set of shots sometime in August/September. Maybe the pediatrician will have some insight on what he may be able to get away with having to fly safely.

Its been a whole year since we seen you guys. This year will be quite different with a baby in tow. Not that we wont have millions of babysitters at the Lake. I hope we can go out for a night out of fun again.

We received a second surprise gift in the mail. This beautiful handmade blanket all the way from Arizona is from my Aunt Mary and Uncle Bill. This is very special to me as Landon's room is Vintage firetruck theme. My aunt has two sons, my cousins, Jeremy and Cody who are both firefighters. Maybe Landon will love helping people just like you two and think of you guys as his heroes.

I know we are a week past Easter but I haven't posted any pictures. We drove up to the MIL house and had a delicious home cooked meal that was magnificent. Every Easter since Ryan and I have been together we have always ate at the country club but due to the economy they went bankrupt and closed. This is very sad as this is where Ryan and I got married. Its time to set up new traditions and memories for Landon for the years to come.

Easter 2009

I got spend some time with my oh so grown up 8 yr old Goddaughter. We hung out in the Spa and relaxed. Feels so good to be weightless when your full-term. Look at that big old belly in a bikini. You probably wont catch me in a bikini this summer which will again be sad for our trip back at Minnesota and lounging around the Lake.

We'll we hope you had a fun and as relaxing Easter as we had.

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Saturday, April 18, 2009

Dealing with Infertility???

I've been cleaning with the help of my husband and parents this weekend. Like deep cleaning, baseboards, emptying cupboards , clearning closets. During the course of this cleaning I found all my old fertility meds. I checked everything out and there was only one box of expired meds.

I wanted to pay it forward and donate these items to someone who can use them before they expire. All of my meds were donated to me so now I would like to donate them to someone who could really use them.

I have enough for entire egg cycle of IUI or IVF. This is for stimulating your ovaries. I do not want to give it to someone who will sell this, I want to help another couple out. It also needs to be for someone who is being monitored by a doctor as it is very dangerous without regular monitoring. When I used these meds they stimulated my ovaries so much that we had about 20 eggs in each ovary that were ready to be released. That was with every other day monitoring we were forced to switch from insemination to egg retrieval or the cycle would have been cancleled. If we had not listened to the doctor and went about our business on our own I could have been pregnant with tons of babies making Octomom look like she was trying to catch up with me. HA

I have the following meds to offer.

3 Boxes of Gonal-F Multidose 450 IU (exp 6/2009) So you would need to start your cycle soon.
1 Box of Chronic Gonadotropin (I piad $70 for this) Exp11/2009
Tons of 1ml 27G needles
Tons of 1 1/2" 22G needles
Tonsof Alcohol wipes
1 Sharps container
I may even have some Endometrim and progesterone but I would need to look
I can also include Fertility nutrition list specific for what you may be dealing with PCOS or ENDO etc.

I accept no responsibility for any of these meds. Fertility medicine can be very risky and dangerous. I do know how expensive it can be as we spent thousands and thousands and it adds up fast. I just really want to help someone out in the finacial dept. I know alot of people dealing with fertility read my blog or may know a friend using these exact meds. Please let me know and we can talk through email.

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Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Wordless Wednesday!

In other words I got my Belly cast Back finally!

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Monday, April 13, 2009

Wheres my halo?

Here it is 2:30am in the morning and I can't sleep. Why?? you ask. I'm super, totally, ultimately stressed out. I had a great day with my in-laws family. We had a delicious dinner, yummy drinks, and hung out in the spa (at 95 degrees) It was fun and relaxing. Landon even got an Easter present from Nana, two cute frog outfits w/ matching hat, a outfit/blanket from Hawaii, and handyed quilt from Hawaii. My god daughter was dropped off at my in-laws so I could spend an overnighter with her. We left at about 8pm to come home and slide into bed since I had no nap all day.

When I arrived home I checked my email before I went to slumber land and there was an email from my new employee letting me know she was not going to be coming back to work and that I could just mail her her check. WHAT!! I specifically told her that she would need to give notice if she wanted to leave. I also talked with her last week, as well as my other employee and my husband both spoke with her to see if she liked, understood or had any questions about the job. She said no, she liked the job.

My panic is that I am not allowed to work right now. My blood pressure has been very high and last week while she worked I was able to rest and my blood pressure significantly went down into the normal range. My doctor told me if it stayed low then I would not need to be induced. I checked my blood pressure right when we got home tonight and it was 116/77 PERFECT! After reading her resignation over an email and absolutely freaking and then stressing about what to do for an hour I rechecked, 146/87 yikes. So it is true stress does cause it to go up.

What to do now. I don't understand what is going on. I place an add I get many many responses I have to go through them and interview each one, some never show for interviews, some show and I immediately cross them off the list for many reasons and then other beg to work here and they leave before they even start. It takes quite awhile to be able to hire someone. After I interview them I have them come back for a paid 3 hour working interview to see if they like it and so I can observe if they work well with children. If I like them I have them fill out lots of paperwork and send them to be finger printed for a background check. We then have to wait till there clearance comes in the mail and then they start. All of this takes time and money.

I am just 14 days away maybe even sooner of having this baby come. What am I going to do now. I laid in bed for two hours and could not fall asleep, I can feel how stressed I am. I am angry at people. All I can think is I hope she is sleeping well tonight knowing that I am so close to giving birth and she couldn't even work for a 6 week maternity leave for me. Now I am weeping this is so unfair to Landon doesn't he deserve to have his mommy to himself for the first 6 weeks of his life. After that he will have to share his home, his toys and especially his mom with lots of other children. I have not been selfish with my life I sacrificed watching other peoples children while they are on vacation, while they needed me, all holidays and I did it because that the kind of person I am. All I am asking for is 6 weeks with my son.

Please pray for my health, for Landon, and for my business. This is going to be a long stressful week and I pray that I find someone who is good with my daycare children, that I can trust in my home and works hard and isn't a goof off. Its now 3am and have to be up at 7am to work all day. I feel all this stress is going to cause Landon to come early I will be panicked the whole time I am laboring about finding an employee.

God will provide somehow!! right now I just need some sleep and sanity.

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Sunday, April 12, 2009

Can you guess our Baby Pool correctly?

Landon is coming so soon. Our due Date is April 27th, that's just 15 days away. Can you believe it? I sure can't. I'm 30 yrs old and having my first child. I have prayed and dreamed for this day my whole life. The older I got the less and less I thought this dream would ever come true that I actually gave up. It was my husband that encouraged us to seek help. It does not mean that I am cured of infertility, it means we were lucky and were blessed.

I feel so special that God allowed Ryan and I to be parents and so soon. "When will he feel like mine?" is the question I keep asking everyone. I thought the whole point of growing them in your womb was the bond so they do feel like they are yours. Whenever I hold someone elses little one I care for them with great love but I always look at them and wondered what it would feel like to be a mother and nothing comes to me. I assume I am going to be one of those crazy moms that holds her baby tight, photographs every movement, and am crazy about a schedule. I am sure with time all of these things will loosen and I will forget my camera, or writing in his baby book, ask for help with him, and throw my schedule out the door because it is most inconvenient. I want to breastfeed for my own selfish reasons. I know its the best for Landon but I want to do it because of the bond something I have never been able to do with a child. I have done just about everything caring for others children and breastfeeding will seal the deal that he is mine. Plus its just pretty awesome that I will be able to feed my child and give him all of his nutrients the 1st 6 months of life. Its amazing!

Anyways we have decided to open a online baby pool for guessing when Landon is due to arrive. You can guess the sex, date, time, weight and length of him. Whoever is the closest will receive a small gift card from us.

Here's how the game is scored

  • Incorrect Gender: 400 points
  • Birth Date & Time: 5 points/hour
  • Weight: 5 points/ounce
  • Length: 10 points/inch

Click on the box in the right hand corner of the page and click there. Once the webpage opens click on "Enter a Guess"

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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

37 Weeks and acupuncture treatment

Today I went and got acupuncture to see if we could get Landon to move down the birth canal. I did acupuncture before and after we transferred the embryos to help them implant. It was so relaxing that I fell asleep and when I awoke I felt as if I had been on vacation for a week. Except I didn't have to unpack I hate that part. Well this time was completely different. I was fidgety and and didn't feel relaxed at all. Could have been that I had acid reflux the whole time and my throat was on fire. Darn Taco Bell sauce. I kept moving so much I knocked out one of the needles in my hand. It took 25 minutes before she came back to remove the needles. She sat me up and told me I could have my husband massage three places to help bring the baby down. One is on the inside of your ankle against the bone running up the leg, the other is on your hand between your thumb and first finger (pressure point) and the third is in your shoulder. As soon as she touched my shoulders she said I was extremely tight and and that could be a reason why I haven't seen any progress.

Aren't these the cutest shoes I had these made from a seller on Etsy and I just wanted to show them off. There suede so they are super soft and she makes them in all sizes, so I will buy some other pairs as he grows.

Lastly I stopped by babies R Us on the way home from acupuncture and used my Gift cards to buy the last thing I needed. I am now the proud owner of a breast pump. The Medela Freestyle Pump. I would appreciate any reviews if you own/use this pump. I know pumping is a hassle to do But, I have been looking forward to breastfeeding for so long. I watch so many other peoples children and love them like they are my own. Breastfeeding will seal the deal and make it so much more special and have a bond with a child I have never had before. I'm so looking forward to it. Anyways feel free to comment and let me know if you like'd or dislike'd your pump. While I was at BRU I saw the cutest shirt and surprised my husband with this Adidas jersey. It was even on the clearance rack. Score!

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Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Maternity Photo Session

Eeeeeeeeek I just love them , love them, love them. I had no idea they would turn out this cute. All the hiking all over the bluff was so worth it. My husband was getting attacked by bugs and mosquitos the whole time. I want to buy one of each and make a special album for Landon.

K ladies I need your help!!!!!! Now I know these are not all of my photos just a sneak peek but which one is your favorite???? Please leave me a comment and let me know

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Monday, April 6, 2009

37 Weeks.....The Countdown Begins

Today was a gorgeous Day outside. It is supposed rain Tuesday through Saturday. This past Saturday I found an awesome photographer who does outside photos. She is a SAHM mommy who is just getting her photography business started. Her prices are great too! I love supporting SAHM. I contacted her and she said she could squeeze me in Monday before the rain comes. It couldn't have been more perfect outside. We went to Fair Oaks bluff and she chose some beautiful areas in the grass, against trees and among some flowers. It was alot of fun and will be able to view the photos tomorrow. I took most of the pictures by myself but took some adorable photos with the hubby as well. After Landon's arrival she will come to the house for newborn photos, I can't wait. Here's a small sneak peak of the area we were in for the photo session.

I have been resting all weekend and feel great. Swelling is still there but my blood pressure is lower then it has been. Its still not in the normal range but I know resting and not working any longer has completely helped. I was able to hire two different girls by last Friday. I am just waiting on their fingerprints to come back cleared and they will be able to help my other employee. In the meantime hubby has been helping out. He was so cute he kept asking me did you see me feed the baby or did you see me multi-tasking holding the baby and playing pegboards with three of the preschoolers. He's going to be a great daddy.
I am just enjoying the last 20 days of being just a wife. My husband has been treating me like a princess. After Landon arrives I know I will need so much help but its nice to be just focusing on us right now and spending as much time together as we can. Wish we could have gone on a Babymoon but I think we have decided to go on a small family vacation with Landon when he is about a month old and before we both have to go back to work.

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Sunday, April 5, 2009

What a Pregnant Diet??

What exactly is the Brewer Diet??

I am copying all of this information from if you want to go read up on it yourself. Actually you should go read up on it, even if you think you eat healthy and have no problems. Being that we are all trying to live, and eat healthier its a good idea to start this "diet" at some point during your pregnancy for good nutrition for baby and you. It helps prevent pre-clampsia and toxemia or reverse it if you already have it.
Heres what the Brewer Diet recommends:

Every day of the week, you and your baby must have:

  • One quart (4 cups) of milk. Any kind will do: whole milk, low fat, skim, powdered, or buttermilk. If you do not like milk, you can substitute one cup of yogurt for each cup of milk.
  • Two eggs.
  • One or two servings of fish, shellfish, chicken or turkey, lean beef, veal, lamb, pork, liver or kidney. Alternative combinations include:
    >>Rice with beans, cheese, sesame, milk
    >>Cornmeal with beans, cheese, tofu, milk.
    >>Beans with rice, bulgur, cornmeal, wheat noodles sesame seeds, milk.
    >>Peanuts with: sunflower seeds, milk.
    >>Whole wheat bread or noodles with: beans, cheese, peanut butter, milk, tofu.

For each serving of meat, you can substitute these quantities of cheese:
Brick 4 oz.
Longhorn 3 oz.
Camembert6 oz.
Muenster4 oz.
Cheddar3 oz.
Monterey Jack4 oz.
Cottage 6 oz.
Swiss 3 oz.

  • One or two servings of fresh, green, leafy vegetables: mustard, beet, collard, dandelion or turnip greens, spinach, lettuce, cabbage, broccoli, kale, Swiss chard.
  • Five servings of whole grain breads, rolls, cereals or pancakes: wheatena, 100% bran flakes, granola, shredded wheat, wheat germ, oatmeal, buckwheat or whole wheat pancakes, corn bread, corn tortillas, corn or bran or whole wheat muffins, waffles, brown rice.
  • Two choices from: a whole potato (any style), large green pepper, grapefruit, lemon, lime, papaya, tomato (one piece of fruit, or one large glass of juice).
  • Three pats of butter.

Also include in your diet, in addition to the above (i.e., don’t count one food in two categories):

  • A yellow- or orange-colored vegetable or fruit five times a week.
  • Liver once a week, if you like it.
  • Water: Drink to thirst.

It is not healthy for you and your unborn baby to go even 24 hours without good food!

K ladies............... I know how we like checklists and organization so they even made a printable checklist you can use to make sure you are eating healthy. Scroll down and you can choose Basic, Lacto, Vegan and one for Multiple births.

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Thursday, April 2, 2009

What do you mean engage?

So I went to the O.B. today for my 36 week appointment and had my strep b test, which was not uncomfortable at all. Many women tried to scare me that it was going to hurt and told me to be aware that they swab you in your rectum as well. I just wanted to say, No they did not, it was only one swab and it was the same as if having a pap. I will find out next Friday if it was negative or positive. It doesnt really matter either way except I would need to get to the hospital earlier to receive the antibiotics instead of saying home for the majority of the time.

While I was getting the test I asked if I could be checked to see if I was dilated at all. He says are you sure its kinda painful. I laugh cant be more painful then labor, bring it on. As hes checking (which is not painful, just pressure) he says nope no dilation, your not engaged I can still push babies head up, and your not soft or thinned out. Ok, I didn't really expect any progress but theres always wishful thinking. He tells me it will probably be at least till my due date or after. Ok that's fine I'm not so so uncomfortable, YET. Just that my pelvis aches, and I get to the point of exhaustion if I do to much. The achenes in the pelvis is really mild and not painful but what is painful is when my disc in my back slips forward. I have spondelosthesis (think that's how you spell it) in my L5 vertebrae and when the disc slips it feels as if there is a broken bone fragment in my lower spine. It's not constant all day but when I twist, bend or roll over in bed is when its the worst. Its bearable so I'm not complaining for now.

Now my blood pressure is not doing as well as I feel. Its on the high side at about 150/90 and seems to get higher at each appointment. He just informed me I have 1+ protein in my urine the same I had in the hospital. What nobody told me last week when I was there. Dr said if I continue like this its more then likely he will need to induce me. Ackkkkkkkkk I said what did he just say "induce", ummm this NOT in my birth plan. That is not in my natural childbirth design. I also remember him saying if I do have to induce you I'm just letting you know now its not going to be easy, its going to hard, long and painful because your body is not ready and baby is not ready. I asked why induce then? It's not healthy for baby or you. We will monitor you and see what is going on in a week and make a decision. We will also do an ultrasound around 38 weeks to see how big the baby is because I am still measuring slighty larger.

Instantly I go home to think about all this new information I have just been given. I start thinking that a C-section may be only option. I start talking myself into this idea and think I might be ok with this idea. I talk with some of my preschool parents who have had the c-sections right away to ask them many questions since I know nothing about them. Everything they teach you at Bradley classes is just the reason why you don't want them. You don't see the baby for a few hours, you wont be able to hold them or breastfeed right away or get out of bed for a little bit. Also since you wont have the surge of hormones you get right as you push the baby out, it will be harder to breastfeed and since baby didn't get squished through the birth canal there lungs wont be ringed out and it will be harder for them to breastfeed as well.

My husband and I meet with my Doula the next morning to discuss our expectation for her and of the birth. I tell her all that I was told at the Dr's the previous day and she reassures me there are options to get my childbirth started more natural. Wow, this is sounding like there is hope for my natural childbirth still. She receommended the following:

1) Primrose caplets twice a day after 37 weeks

2) Start having sex

3) Acupuncture

4) Brewer Diet

5) Red Raspberry Leaf Tea

6) Caster oil**which I will NOT be trying

If needed:

7) Blue & Black Cohosh** Not safe in my opinion

I have read so much on the internet and these are all recommended to induce labor but not proven to actually start labor. Some are even harmful to some women or some babies. Oh I do not know what to do. I have been reaching out for answers on what is best for baby and what is best for my health. I should have more answers by Friday after I see the doctor again (At that point I will be 37 week 4 days) Good thing is Landon is active showing he is feeling great, his heartrate is good and fluctuates up and down showing he is being a normal healthy baby.

I'm finally fully enjoying feeling Landon move inside. I get very excited when he moves and as I hadn't before want everyone around me to feel it. I constantly feel his pushes and place my hand over the spot and can almost make out a foot/hand/knee. Its crazy! Dr said he is still head down so that over 6 weeks he has been in this position he said it would be highly unlikely he would try to flip around since there is little room left. That's a good thing.

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Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Thar she grows

36 Week Belly

Wow whose belly is that?? I'm sitting staring at my belly today and I realize that it is huge, no not huge, Ginormous. Not sure if it looks as huge as it does in person but all the comments i get are "wow your so big." As I'm sitting there humbled by the size of this large belly I begin to envision a 2 liter bottle on its side with a balloon inside. I then imagine trying to get the balloon out without breaking it. That's what I feel labor will be like. As eager as I am to get him here, I want to soak in each moment as a selfish lady lying around in the evenings being bored. Its weird to say I love something I have never seen before. I mean seriously that's strange. When exactly will I feel like a mommy? The second I see him? when I bring home? when I'm nursing him? when he first smiles or says momma? Does it sink in that he is mine? I see all these mommies around me with there babies and I think i could never feel that way. I have been caring for other peoples children for so long that its just unusual for me to have my own. Ha I know he will feel like my own when he screams in the middle of the night and I wake up wondering when that babies mother will get that baby and make him be quiet so I can go back to sleep. Then I will realize that someone is me.

Oh and by the way I don't think its funny ladies to not share with me that there would come a time in my pregnancy that I can use the restroom and no longer reach with the toilet paper to wipe after I pee. Haha this came as a huge laugh to me today. My belly is so round and hard as a rock I just cant reach. Sadly today was my first day I felt like poo. All my joints are stiff, my pelvis aches as I walk and I can no longer walk without pain, heaviness, and pressure on my pelvis. I have some weird tweak in the lower part of my pelvis in the back that makes it quite painful when I twist out of bed etc. I thought it wouldn't happen to me but baby is right under my lungs now, not to bad but if he continues to grow this week it will put more pressure on breathing. Because of where I feel him I know he has not dropped yet, although I he is also extremely low enough when I sit I have to lift him otherwise its hard to sit he rests right on top of my legs. I have been getting these "hot flash" type things, the sides of my face start burning
and the my ears start steaming and they feel red and on fire. My husband said its probably a surge of hormones. Trust me I know it is I tell him. The hormones are also causing me to get acne on my neck, chest and shoulders which I never have. I know it will end soon. I still keep thanking him for my nose spreading and being huge now. Acid reflux has become more common this last week, lucky for me no heartburn though.

Tomorrow is my last two week appointment and I am now on weekly appointments. I will get my Strep B test tomorrow and while he is down there I plan to have him check if I have made any progress on my getting this baby out. I'm also not sure if this true but that goop they put in the babies eyes afterwards is to prevent them from getting chlamydia. I was thinking couldn't I just be tested for it and then he wouldn't have to have it. That's my plan we'll discuss that with doc. Now since I am not doing shots for baby, I forgot about the Vitamin K shot they give babies after birth. My healthy Babies nurse brought that up so now I will need to study up on that.

Booked an appointment for the hospital tour next Monday so I will know the procedures of the hospital. Oh ya I forgot to mention that my blood pressure has been perfect this week and my pulse has been fluctuating in and out of the normal range. So these are positive things to be thankful for. Only 25 days to Landon's debut.

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