Sunday, March 14, 2010

Allow me to express myself

I really don't talk a lot on my blog. I usually just blogs some pictures and share some things about Landon and I'm done. I need strength right now as I feel weak and tired. I'm trying to do to much myself. I like to stay happy and focused but I fall off the path sometimes. I've recently started going back to church and I feel whole again and forgot that Jesus is so strong in my life and I need to hand over some of the things I can't do alone. He will be my rock when I need someone to lean on and be there for me when I'm weak and tired, hungry and lonely and that comforts me.

I have been so busy lately and even when I'm not busy the time just seems to slip away quickly. I'm constantly kicking myself for wasting time. I would have never done this when I didn't have a baby. My weekends were filled with sitting on the couch my favorite blanket and watching Lifetime network all weekend. Now its filled with chores, laundry and list making. I'm constantly making lists of things I need to do, husband needs to do, future events, things I need to get done for the daycare and the very most important one; Landons 1st Birthday. I have a guest list and the theme picked out. I just don't know where or when to have it. I don't want to pick a date out yet because that means I'll be rushed for time. There I am with the time again. How am I almost becoming a mom to a 1 year old. Wasn't I struggling with fertility like yesterday? Quickly you see how fast time ticks away when you become a mom, life is measured in milestones and smiles and I am just realizing that my sons firsts are coming to end as his birthday is insight. No more 1st Halloweens, 1st Christmas, 1st Easters and certainly the 1st birthday.

I cant decide to keep it small since he wont remember and ridiculous to spend the money on a party or should I go all out? They only turn One once. We decided on "The Very Hungry Caterpillar Theme" Only problem I have plan it all myself. I got my mother in law to make the smash cake and cupcakes. Oh please God don't let him throw up on his birthday. He has yet to eat a cracker, cookie or any sugar for that matter. Hes rarely had pasta or bread I think possibly once each. Do they make spinach cakes? LOL He would kill me when hes older.

I have been training really hard on my triathlon training working out 6 days a week and trying to eat healthier. Every 6 weeks we get measured and as of yesterday I have lost 15 inches and 4% body fat. Sounds good but I should be dropping it faster. The scale has moved one bit. Having PCOS makes it so hard to loose anything especially around the middle but I'm determined to do this. When I'm running I just keep thinking I have to do this for Landon and I push that much harder. If only he knew how important this was to me. I've tried to leave him in the gym daycare a few times but he has screamed his head off. I have been able to leave him in there twice in the last week so we have had some success. We train on our bikes this week and then start training in the water next week. I just bought a Chariot bike trailer to pull Landon behind my bike. It only cost me $8.63 since I used my REI gift cards from my birthday. I'm hoping this will get some training and workout time for me but not stressing him out by leaving him in the daycare at the gym.

I signed him and I up for the Sacramento Zoo Zoom race in 3 weeks. I'm just running a 5K since I'll have to push him in the stroller and I'm not sure how long he'll hang. Afterwards they let the racers and there family have free admission to the zoo. This will be his first visit so I can't wait to take pictures and scrapbook them.

I'm so excited for Easter. I cant wait to dress him up and dye eggs with him and take him to his 1st Easter Sunday Church. I'm also excited for the huge party I throw for the daycare kids where the Easter bunny visits. Today I am going to go pick him out his first Easter basket.

Thanks for listening to my ramble. Being alone with children all day and now all evening sometime I must just open my mouth and let it all flow out. I may do this more because it de-clogs my mind.

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2 comments:

  1. I definitely miss our daily ramblings at work! Now I'm home alone with Nathyn all day and trust me, the kids themselves are far more stimulating than he is! haha

    I can't believe Landon is almost 1! I remember back to your first fertility treatment and it doesn't even seem like that long ago!

    I admire you for all that you do! You are so busy and make everything look so easy! Oh, if I had just an ounce of your determination!!! Don't forget to kick back and sneak a Lifetime movie in every now and then. And one for me too, since there is no Lifetime here in Germany!

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  2. Life gets hard when you are a busy mom. I am feeling that too. It doesn't seem like there are enough hours in the day to get everything done. Sometimes we just have to step back and take a deep breath and make sure our priorites are where we want them to be. It does feel good to let it all out!

    The fun continues even after all the first holidays are over. I am really looking forward to things in Boo's 2nd year because he can enjoy and participate more. There are plenty more firsts coming our way to enjoy!

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